we don‘t have to hold everything together all the time
except sometimes we need to redefine what "holding things together" means and how we can create something good out of challenge
When we’re in the middle of our problem-world, sometimes it doesn’t feel quite right to follow the “everything is going to be all good” path. There is a difference between courage inviting optimism vs. invalidating one’s experience and taking away the room and focus it needs.
For example, you can have a problem with unattended chaos in your apartment after a long day of work. Your energy is low, your motivation is used up, and you just want to rest. Yet, your mind tells you to clean up any bit of chaos every time you pass by. The question here is: what‘s the real problem? Is it about solving the practical problem or is it about something else, e.g. about being mindful with your thoughts?
You could ignore this and push that reaction pattern away without resolving it. Underneath that need to keep everything tidy and take care of things as soon as possible (sometimes regardless of your capacity) could actually be the fear of not holding everything together.
What would happen if you don’t do it?
“If I‘m incapable of managing my apartment perfectly, then I‘m probably incapable and incompetent in other areas of my life, too. Nothing is good. This problem feels so urgent - if I don‘t take care of it now, I might as well just quit. I‘m failing.”
Well, the only thing you’re failing is yourself. When holding onto a very specific outcome and way of how things should be, you hold yourself trapped in that „it‘s good until one detail isn‘t.“ What’s that one detail in your situation? What’s your vulnerable spot?
Be honest with yourself. Does it feel too risky doing something wrong? Are you feeling worried about being left behind and alone? Maybe you want to be just perfect, so nobody can criticize or hurt you. So not even yourself can hurt you.
Oftentimes these exact moments of challenge, self-doubt, fear, tension - they open up space for you to break through. Breaking down can feel so rough, and working through all the emotions and thoughts is exhausting. Yet, we always find a way forward.
We might give up for a short period of time, but we still want this one thing that drives us forward. We still want to feel better, be better, think better - better as in more positive, empowered, stronger, full of energy, courage, inspiration, motivation, and competence.
“Better” experiences don’t require perfection. Life doesn’t need us to be on time all the time. We don’t need to hold everything together. Who would we actually do this for? And why?
We can work on bridging the gap between where we feel we are and where we would be happy to be at. What is your happy place? Where is your “good” place? It doesn’t have to be the perfect place, it just needs to be good for you, truly, 110%.
If it’s not good, then you move on, keep looking, keep working, keep resting. At this point it doesn’t matter so much if you’re holding everything together, because some things have to go for new things to come in and find their place in your life. You need space for the change. You need space for yourself to move around, learning, wondering, hurting, doubting, healing, encouraging yourself, empowering, choosing.
Choose yourself, choose what feels genuinely right, even if you’re not 100% certain and perfect with it. What works, will work. You’ll recognize when it’s time to let things go a bit, so it can come back together in a new, even better way. Life works for you.
Most importantly, hold yourself. You cannot hold and embrace everything - you do not need to. There is SO MUCH in this world.
You deserve more of your love, your energy, your best intentions and commitment. Your values connect you. Your goodness, sweetness, thoughtfulness inspires so many more people than you think.
Remember the moments you have felt SO STRONG and SO GOOD being yourself.
While there are things feeling bad and wrong to you, the good and right things are there, too. They were never gone in the first place. You just can’t always see them, you cannot always feel them. What you see is the challenge, the problems, the pain, the distraction.. and beyond all of that, you’re experiencing how that feels and what it means to you. You have the power to redefine it.